Photography by Oscar Merrida
Happy New Year!!
There’s something about the Holidays and the ending of the year that makes most of us take inventory. It cues our brains to reflect and envision the New Year. Before I can even think about 2019, I find myself thinking about the last 12 months. If I had to give 2018 a title it would be called “transformation”.
Transformation- a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.
I decided on this word on Christmas morning as I sat alone and sick in my apartment. Yup, you read that right sick and alone on Christmas day. Here I was at the end of a transformational year and I was alone. I wanted to pretend like I was happy but in reality I was sad and helpless. My energy was super low and all I could do was listen to my body and “be still”. As I laid on my couch I started to cry hysterically. You know that ugly cry with your nose running, the endless coughing, and your trying to catch your breath at the same time? Finally, I found the strength and I yelled out to God, “Why me? why am I alone on Christmas? Why today? Why God?” I tried to pray but the reality was I was disappointed. What I had planned didn’t happen and what I thought wasn’t my truth. I allowed disappointment to control my day and I buried myself in my thoughts and emotions. I just wanted a Christmas do over. I was just sick and alone on Christmas. (sidebar: Check on those who are sick and alone on Holidays)
The next day, I realized I allowed one day to overpower the transformational year I had. Now, don’t get me wrong if I had a choice things would have been different. However, God continues to show me that sometimes we need a dramatic change in order for a shift to happen. I was lonely but not alone. The things I craved I had but just not in the form I expected it. A day alone opened my eyes to be more empathic and sensitive to others. It proved to me to share my own feelings of loneliness. I look back on that day and it was just an experience. I lived it and now I release it.
I thank God for the transformation in my life because it was the best unwanted gift I received.
The truth is the best gifts I received this year can’t be boxed or wrapped. I have been given kindness, love, forgiveness, support, and loyalty. All things that don’t come with a price tag.
Thank you 2018.