This is 30.
So officially, I have been 30 for almost a month now. I will admit I was holding off on writing this blog post. On my actually birthday (July 31) I wanted to hit “publish”. I didn’t feel ready just yet. However, when I started my blog I vowed to be my authentic self.
So here we are. Showing up and being bold.
At 18, I remember thinking by the time I turned 30 I would have a husband, children, a big dream house, and dream job. I would be living a lifestyle that included traveling the world and being my own boss. For some strange reason, 30 was the deadline. Now, I have traveled and had AMAZING things happen in my life. However, as I got closer to turning 30 I started to really reflect. I began taking inventory of myself and my life. I believe some woman look forward to turning 30 and some dread it. I began to dread it.
Truth is society places a huge expectation on women of what they should have accomplished by the time they reach 30. As if we are wearing a giant clock and everyone is admiring it as it goes “tick tock”. Especially, if you aren’t married and or don’t have children. Better yet, what have you achieved? What are you waiting for? It appears that at 30 you should have checked these things off your
As much as I thought I was resisting the opinion’s of others, I started to internalize it.
A month before my 30th birthday, each morning when I woke up I began to experience
anxiety. There was a shift and I felt it. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt overwhelmed. I felt sad. I felt defeated. I felt confused. Why did I feel anxious ? Why was I sad? I was on track according to God’s plan but internally I was struggling.
The truth is I was grieving what I thought life would be like by 30.
Grief comes in many shapes and forms. The expectation I had became bigger than my reality. I started playing the comparison game, the most dangerous game we can ever play. The rules of the game became easy when conversations began with “when are you going to, why haven’t you, you not getting any younger, and what are you waiting for”. It made me compare myself to friends and strangers.
Overall, comparison kills. It robs God of his work and we will miss the perfect plan he has written for us.
I had to make a choice between allowing my feelings and emotions control me or take back my power. I choose me. I choose to admire all the ways God is pruning and preparing me for the all the wonderful things to come. Now, the wait is hard but I am worth the wait. God’s plan is worth the wait.
Everyday I have to make a choice to choose myself and think about “what do I want” as I enter into this milestone birthday. Then it takes spiritually maturity to assure that it aligns with God’s plan. I know you are probably thinking “Tatiana you preach self love and seem to be doing a great job so what’s the difference”. The difference is I am 30 and I embracing all of the uncertainty it continues to bring me. The beauty is that I’m finding clarity in this journey.
Since my actual birthday (July 31) I have committed myself to be extremely intentional in how I spend my time. If you follow me on IG you may have noticed I been posting my #30withTati adventures. Thus far ,I have crossed off as least five things off of my bucket list. Winning! I completed 30 workouts before my birthday, hosted a twerk dance class, and impacted women through my “Wine Down Wednesday” meet ups. With each day, I am growing stronger mentally, emotionally, and physically .
I am a powerful woman and I have accomplished so much in my 29 years of living. However, I am realizing that God’s plans for my life is far better than mine. Each day, I have to be intentionally in choosing God’s plan and being okay with the process. As I mature, I know this will be something I will face with each trial and season.
With 29 years behind me now, I have decided to embrace all that’s to come. I am telling myself to “TRUST THE PROCESS BECAUSE GOD GOT YOU”. It all sounds great in theory but the application will take dedication and extreme intentionality.
30 is the rebirth, the baptism, and the harvest wrapped in one. I am embracing all the transformation that continues to take place. This is the theme for thirty, which is why I wanted to shoot at a waterfall and in nature. This new season is about shedding the old and coming into my new skin. The process is beautiful.
Here are some life lessons that I hope will continue to shape my focus into year 30.
Invest in yourself
Do your work! Go to therapy and counseling. Enroll yourself in a personal development program. Do things that will help you unpack your issues and trauma. Go to the gym or hire that trainer. Take care of you.
Say “NO” more
Choose you. It’s okay to decline friends and family in order to preserve yourself. It takes maturity and awareness to know when to give a fast no. You can’t pour from a empty cup.
Just do it!
Know what you want and create it. There’s nothing stopping you but you. You miss the shots that you don’t take. No more playing small the world is ready for you and all of your gifts.
Protect your space and energy
Be very mindful of who you surround yourself with and the kind of energy you allow around. You aren’t for everyone and that’s okay. Become hypersensitive to the community you are building and your tribe. These will be the people that will uplift you and support you.
Give and show grace
Be gentle with yourself and give that grace to others. You will make mistakes but each day recommit to be being better and doing better.
Guard your heart and protect it. Don’t allow fear to block you from giving or receiving love. Love cast out all fears. Choose love above all things.
I am embracing all that 30 will bring. This is Chapter 30.
Life’s a Journey. Show Up. Be Bold. Stand Out.
JennaAugust 24, 2019 at 8:30 am
This was so good! I can relate to the feeling of not achieving certain things by your self-imposed deadline and the impact that has. Sounds like you’re pushing forward and shedding the pressure. Happy Belated Birthday!
DreaAugust 24, 2019 at 11:10 am
First girl you slayed this pics okay!! I had the same feelings and thoughts at I approached 30 myself, I felt like I had to be where I set myself to be years before but it is all in GOD’s hands and in his plan for you. I love your approach to year 30 and hope you achieve everything on you bucket list!
Tatiana IniseAugust 24, 2019 at 11:18 am
Thank you so much Drea!! This blog was hard to right but I’m finding comfort that many women can relate to this.
TashaSeptember 27, 2019 at 10:49 pm
Amaaaazing post!!!! Wonderfully written Tatiiii!! And the pictures…OMG are to die for!!!
Had to come back and add you to my Black Girl Magic Pinterest girl! lol
So excited to see all of the blessings that are continuously coming you way!